don't read if you did not know of me through this account. tl;dr, self-sabotage and running away, it's a modus operandi. sorry. it's nobody's fault. no one was safe from this, including a friend group of mine i had known since i was 17 that i reconnected with. they had to deal with this too. i've wholeheartedly given up. 2023 i stayed off the internet. had a ton of health issues. lost 60 pounds. had an organ removed. i'm online again. this is only so people have an explanation, or something resembling it. it's always been like this. i cannot stop.